Revisions, or the Fifth Circle of Hell

Repent, O sinners! Ye who hath writ a passage obscure or left gaping a plot hole in which could fall a reader entire, ye who hath created characters neither soulful nor witty or let them hang in an ether devoid of both stone and tree--repent of thy sins and, if ye would be redeemed, listen: the way through this ring of Hell is slick and narrow and labyrinthine. Be not lured onto a false path, of which there are many, or impale oneself on the thorns of doubt. But take heart; if ye succeed in amending thy wicked words, the Angels shall sing praises, for ye will possess at last thy quest's Holy Grail.

So spoke the God of Creation about this cheery little backwater I like to call "the Devil's Intestines." Here's where the shit separates.

From the gate here, you can see that the path has narrowed quite a bit. Please watch your step; it's a little slippery. Wouldn't want anyone impaled in the Pit of Despair. (Mr. Goldman took the name from his visit here, I'm sure.) The fall isn't as far this many levels down, but the spears are still sharp. From here, the way seems fairly straight, and look, right over there is the exit. But if we edge just around the curve here, you can see the Maze.

There are only a few sure paths through the Maze of Revisions; the rest circle back in an endless loop or smack you hard against a dead end. Really, it's quite easy, though. You've got your Muse to lead--oh, damn, where did she go? Flighty little buggers are always zooming off right about now. I've heard some Muses never do turn up again, but I'm sure yours will pop by once you've stumbled on a bit. Maybe if you wave some chocolate around--I've found that helps summon them back. You do have chocolate, don't you?

What's that? You think the terrain looks familiar? So it does. This is territory you've mapped out before, you've got the manuscript right in your hands. But don't be fooled. The ground has shifted since you've last been here, and remember, we've descended into a new level of Hell. The paths to follow are not the same. You may have spent weeks laying a road of shiny, golden bricks, only to find it leads nowhere now, and you're stuck threading your way through another dark, overgrown morass. Still, you can wave to your old landmarks as you pass them by.

Even better, your characters will come visiting, like old friends. And just like old friends, they'll be full of surprises. That wholesome young thing will have turned into a slut, and your noble hero will have become a petulant whiner. Or maybe your absence has rendered them mute or they all speak gibberish now. Oh, and they can be coy when you've been gone awhile, unwilling to bare their souls to a stranger. Don't take it too hard, though--might not even be your characters you're talking to. Lots of ghosts and demons running around these parts, impersonating characters, looking to lure the unwary down the wrong path. If you know your characters well enough, shouldn't be hard to spot them fake bastards at all. 'Course if you don't know them... Yeah, I've seen plenty of people chasing down one false path after another, same story year after year.

Anyhow, I know you got a hard journey ahead of you, so I just want to say how much I admire you for attempting the trip through here. I see a lot of people come up the gate, cradling their precious manuscripts like they were made of gossamer and eggshells (ugly little things, too, at that stage), and once they see how treacherous the road here is, well, they just hightail it out, try and find the back road to the next level. Oh, sure there's a back way--mighty long drop, though, and makes travelling the next rung that much harder. Only fools and gods don't pass through Revisions. No, you go on through the gate, and when you come out the other side, that manuscript in your hands will be a thing of beauty.

And here, take this piece of chocolate. If it doesn't help get your Muse back, at least it will make you feel better.